Nothing like a running High

I've hit the frustrated phase of injury recovery.  The peroneal tendonitis in my ankle is still hanging on. I've tried to run, knowing that I'm only making it worse and end up discouraged.  I go to my spin class once a week, but that is just once a week and I get tired of figuring out how to get that golden adrenaline rush that I get from running, in other forms of exercise.  Core, strength training, stair climber, elliptical...they are all great and all but always leaves me feeling like I'm missing something.  That something is that runner's high.   There is a reason why we as runners are considered 'obsessive', 'addictive', 'crazy'.  Nothing can truly substitute the feeling of a solid hard run.  Those who get a taste of it, never go back...and those that never have, wonder what all the fuss is about.  I'm telling you.  God created running.  I'm sure Adam and Eve ran around those gardens before the 'fruit' incident, free as a bird, soaking in every ounce of that runner's high.  Can't you picture it?  :)  I'm trying to be patient but the bottom line is I'm stubborn.  I'm a wife and mom of three very busy kids and two dogs and can't sit on my butt all day.  I have to get some form of exercise in every day for sanity's sake.  My house is long and I'm pretty sure I walk at least 3 miles a day just going back and forth from the laundry room to the bedrooms, 3 million times a day.  I live in a car the other parts of the day carting kids from here to there and true 'rest' is never going to be realistic.  So I 'wait'.  Wait for my body to heal up so I can get that runner's high that I need for my mental health, so my husband does not have to deal with a wife who desperately needs a run, and my kids don't ask, "Mom, when do you get to go running again?" 

It's a good thing the weather has been nice in the PacNW lately.  Being that I grew up in So. Cal, I crave the sun almost as much as I crave a good run.  When the sun comes out, I throw on my flip flops, my hair in a pony tail, and soak it all in for as long as the temperamental Pac. NW spring weather allows me too. One of my favorite 'eats' when the weather gets nice is watermelon.  I can gorge myself and not feel like I just finished 3 bowls of ice cream but still come away just as satisfied.  This is my favorite way to eat watermelon...

Sprinkle a dash of sea salt over the top, squeeze a BUNCH of lime all over it, and ENJOY!!!  So, so good.  

This is what I'll be eating while I dream of my running high.  

Have a great weekend!!

It was meant to be.

The Lord knew when I set out on the first long run of this training cycle and I fought to finish 12. He knew on my first 20 when I ran through sun, wind, hail, and rain- when I sat in the park bathroom freezing, my hands numb, and wondering how I was going to ever finish, and on my final 22 when I shuffled through the final miles. The Lord knew I wasn't going to run the Eugene Marathon as I trudged through every last training mile.  I had a focused mindset when I ran those miles...I wanted a strong finish on the track at Hayward Field in Eugene with my family in the stands.  It wasn't meant to be and He knew.

Saturday was a rough day.  I was tired.  I was bummed.  I wanted to be driving down to Eugene.  I wanted to be with Mere, Harmony, and Marnee.  I wanted to breathe in the excitement of the day before a marathon.  The expo, the road signs, the buzz around town.  Driving to Connor's baseball game I got a lump in my throat and I had a hard time fighting the sadness of not being able to run on Sunday.  The route to the ball fields is the exact route I run all my long runs on.  I couldn't help but think of my training progression on those roads.  The good, the bad, and the ugly.  I couldn't help but be bummed by what wasn't meant to be.

However, some things are MEANT TO BE.

My Dad has 23 first (Italian) cousins.  That isn't even including the Irish side of his family.  23.  That is what happens in a Catholic, Italian family.  :)  There were 8 of my Dad's first cousins in the Portland area this weekend.  Three of them have kids in the area (4 including my dad).  That would mean their kids and I have the same great grandfather and grandmother. We live within an hour of each other and yet, have never met or if we had it was a long time ago and we have not gotten together.  That was before this weekend.  What an amazing time spending time with the cousins and getting to know family that literally live down the road. (I somehow didn't get any pictures of the younger cousin crew).  I learned about my history.  The wonderful Italian heritage of family.  I saw pictures of my grandparents (who I never knew), read letters from my great grandfather that he wrote on his death bed, and heard stories of a family I knew very little of.

Sunday morning, when I was supposed to be running Eugene,  my family got to spend time at one of the cousin's son's house and meet his family.  The boys played video games, we played Dance Central, and visited like we've known each other for years.  It was a real treat...one that I wouldn't have gotten if I had gone to Eugene to run a marathon.  It was meant to be.

This summer will include at least one BBQ with my Italian cousins who live nearby!!

all the cousins from across the country
Beautiful women inside and out

Cousins Elaine, Denise, Tanda, and my Aunt Marianne!

This is Connor and Elaine's grandson, Jackson.  They share the same great-great grandparents, live in the same city, and met for the first time yesterday.  They were like best of friends immediately.  

It was great for Ryan to get to spend some time with them too!

Please tell me I'm not the only one who can't get a decent casual family shot?! No wonder we pay someone every fall! :)  

We came across an amazing and moving Holocaust memorial in Washington Park.  

After our time with the cousins we had a great time just the 5 of us.  Playing in the park and having dinner at Deschutes Brewery.  Time that we don't get a lot of lately.  It was exactly what I needed.  

It was truly to meant to be.  

Life isn't running.  

It makes 'life' more manageable sometimes, but it surely isn't 'life'.  

For that, I'm grateful.  

Update

Yesterday I went on a little 'run' to see how my ankle would respond.  I was holding out hope for a mini-miracle but it just wasn't there.  I really couldn't get through more than a mile and a half at a 10 m/m pace with out feeling like I was making it worse.  I realized I needed to officially pull the plug.

Please know that I would love to be down to cheer Meredith, Tasha, Raina, and others of you on.  Yes, of course it would be hard...but I would still love to be there.  It would normally be a no brainer to go down if we were already planning on it but a lot of factors play into me not, including financial, my husband's expectations for this weekend, and the fact that I have 10 of my dad's out of town cousins in town that I was going to have to leave when I was running but now that I'm not, I want to spend more time with them.  Please, I am with you all in heart and spirit.

The main thoughts that are keeping me from going crazy, is that I'm now given an opportunity to get my body 'fixed', get stronger, leaner, and become a better, smarter runner.  So much to be thankful for as a runner, wife, friend, and mom.  Life is more than running and this weekend I'm going to go to my son's baseball game, go hang out with my extended family visiting, and enjoy the fact that life is so good around me.  I trained hard, I worked hard and that can't be taken from me.

You better believe the minute they open registration for Eugene next  year, I will be one of the first.  I will have some unfinished business and this is one marathon I will not let go 'un-runned'. ;)

Should have some fun pictures of my cousin reunion next week and the fun of this weekend (with out) the marathon.

Yesterday I was angry today I am...

sad.  I woke up this morning, realizing that I can't deny what is going on with my body.  The ankle hurts more than it did yesterday which clues me in that things aren't going to magically get better by Sunday.  Being that I'm pretty much limping when I walk probably means a 'run' isn't going to happen.

I was a Psychology major in college.  Even if you weren't a psychology major, you probably have heard of or studied Elizabeth Kubler Ross' 5 stages of grief.  She wrote these stages in relation to death and dying but it is amazing how they can be generalized to other losses in life, even a stupid marathon... they look like this...

1.Denial
2.Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance.

I've been in denial for the last two weeks.  Yesterday was me walking through the 'anger' piece of it. Last night, I was in a major bargaining session with myself.  I can pretty much say, after my little meltdown in the elementary school drop off lane this morning, I'm headed toward number 5.  It's okay, Mr. Principle, that boys' mom is not having a nervous breakdown, she is just crying because she can't run a marathon on Sunday.  Nothing to be concerned about.  Please don't call the social worker for my kid today.

In all seriousness, this is not about death and dying.  It is about a marathon.  I'll get over it.  After a little talk with my BFF in my driveway this morning, I feel like I'm on my way.  Of course it stings.  I worked hard for Sunday.   I wanted to be there with my friends and family, be a part of Meredith's big day, see some of you bloggers, and enjoy a race with my family in the town that Ryan and I started our married life in.  A lot of good memories are in Eugene and I was looking forward to adding the marathon to those memories.  However, I think it's going to have to wait until next year.

I still can pray for a miracle, but for right now, I need to accept that this marathon will be a DNS.  (did not start).

Acceptance.  Walking myself toward acceptance. Now if I could stop going in and out of tears, that would be great too.

Let me vent a little here...

I'm a mess this week.  Complete hot mess.  I don't know what is up and what is down.  I just realized I forgot my son's drs. appt. today and almost forgot about baseball practice.  My aunt and 8 of my dad's cousins are coming into town on Friday and I can't even think about the fact that I need to clean my house, plan lunch, and a birthday dessert party for the crew that night.

I've got to be honest.  I'm downright ticked off about my stupid ankle.  I do not train for 4 plus months to run a PR marathon and end up with an ankle that hurts to run a mile on.  I'm just plain ticked.  Meredith asked me today, the obvious question, "So what if it gets worse if you run the race and you are out for a prolonged period of time?"  Fair question.  I would ask it of any of my running friends as well. My poor friend, I grumpily replied, "I don't flippin care.  As long as I don't end up in surgery--- I don't care if I have to go to cycle class for several months because I can't run."  (this is marathon/taper/injury brain talking, not me)  "I don't train for all this time, sacrifice money, time, etc...for me to not run this dang marathon if I can"  What really makes me mad is that if something doesn't change soon...I'm not going to run my best race.  I'm going to run a crappy race because my dang ankle hurts like h-e-l-l.  Ya, probably not the best idea to run a marathon with peroneal tendonitis that has flared up like crazy...but I can run...so I'm going to.  It's not a torn hamstring, a bum knee, a stress fracture...my dang tendons are just MAD as hell.

It's just messing with my head.  I've got to get my head and body ready to run 26.2 miles on Sunday---and this ankle thing is messing with my head.  Making me doubt myself even more...doubt my decision...doubt...

Maybe I should take my advice from the previous post and just "get out of my head."

Darn it.  I've got 26.2 to run.

Ok, I'm done with my bad attitude.  Time to move on.

Get out of 'yer head.

I only go to one spin class at my gym.  I've tried others, but the instructors just don't do it for me.  I'd like to call it 'boring'.  Amelia is different.  She is hooping and hollering most of the class, encouraging us, yelling at us, and telling us to,  'get of your head'. 


Hmmm, "get out of my head"?  You  mean tell myself, "I can" instead of "It's too hard.  I can't"?  You mean instead of, "I'm too tired."...  to get out of my head, and tell myself, "I have what it takes."

Easier said than done sometimes.  Especially when you are on mile 22 of a marathon.

But it's almost time to tell myself, "Get out of your head"...."You can and you will".

I had my last long-ish run this weekend before Eugene.  12 miles.  I spent most of the time thinking through what it's going to feel like when it's not comfortable next Sunday. Telling myself to 'get out of my head'.  I've got to be honest.  If I was a normal person, I might not run next Sunday.  My ankle is not feeling good at all.  It hurts to walk on, let alone 'run'.  But I can run.  It hurts but "I can".  I know this is controversial so I'm not going to say much more other than if I'm hobbling on Sunday, I won't line up.  I'm praying though that I will be able to run.  It's peroneal tendonitis and I've dealt with it before.

  To me, this is minor compared to what a marathon means in general.  We train for months and spend hours away from our families to finish something that isn't comfortable to finish.  We're 'crazy' to a lot of people, however, we thrive on something that makes us feel strong, accomplished, and energized.  Bottom line is, we love it, or we wouldn't do it.  I'm not like my friend Meredith, who loves 18-22 mile training runs.  I've got to be honest, I don't like those runs much at all but it is required to finish 26.2 strong, and I really do love the marathon---so I do them.  I do them because Sunday I will line up, tell myself to 'get out of my head', and run the strongest race possible for me on that day, and enjoy doing it.  A privilege.  A gift, that I don't take for granted.  I probably thank the Lord a million times during a race that I have the physical ability to run.  It's almost time to put my body and mind into high gear and run a race that I love.

So as of this week, my training for this marathon is pretty much complete, my mental training is in high gear, and I'm working on getting my body to a place of rest where I can run a strong race.

We'll see how far 'getting out of my head' will take me!

Bib number: 901.

T minus 9 days, Goals and thoughts

This week, every time I think of the marathon I get a pit in my stomach.  Almost one week until the Eugene Marathon.  I realize since I haven't been blogging much these days, those who might read this,   feel out of the loop.  Trust me, my training and mind have been going hard for the last 15-16 weeks and I really want next Sundays race to be a strong one.  I wish I was in a place to BQ but that will come at a later time.  My main goal is to PR (anything under 3:57:58).  However, I believe I'm trained and ready to pull off a 3:45-50. (realistically closer to 3:50) :) At that time, I will have the confidence and momentum to push toward that 3:35 BQ in the coming year or two.

 Hard to believe my last marathon was almost a year and a half ago!!  I don't necessarily have great memories of that experience and my body has been up and down since.  I realized that I'm going to have to figure some structural things out with my body and stride soon so I don't run into these issues every time I train for a marathon.  Seems like my left IT band starts screaming at me and tendonitis in my  left ankle are the biggest culprits about 2 weeks before GO time.  Obviously, there is a reason why my left side is always the one affected and I've committed to myself that I'm going to follow up with that after Eugene.  Right now though, my focus is getting my tendonitis under control so I can run strong in a week.  Rest, ice, and foam rolling has been my daily routine.

No matter what the outcome is next week, I love the 'run'.  I love the competition with myself and I love who it makes me.  See you in a week, 26.2.  Looking forward to what you will teach me this time. (more to follow)

Come on Ride the Train...

Darn Trains.  You might remember my last half?  Stopped by a train at mile 2.  

Race for the Roses a week ago, stopped by a train at mile 11.  For 7-10 minutes.  There was no official time, apparently, and our times were not adjusted for the train. So according to race clocks my time was 

1:53 something.  

Bummer---because my garmin says I averaged an 8:01 pace. Would have definitely been a PR, but again, I'm not going to claim it.  Since they didn't even adjust the race clocks, and my garmin was wacky at the start, it just doesn't sit right with me.  I want my PR to be legit and race chip confirmed. It will happen---NEXT TIME!!! Stopping at mile 11 definitely took the wind out of my sails but it didn't take the drive out of the runner.  

I felt like I was running a short 5k for the last 2 miles, since the 8 minute pacer took off as soon as the train cleared.  Well, let me back up a bit.  

At the starting line, I had no idea what my legs were capable of.  I felt deep down that I was undertrained to PR but I thought I'd give it a shot and see how things felt in the first 5 or so miles.  If I couldn't hang on, I'd back off and be okay with that.   I got behind the pink 8 min/mile pacer and decided to not try and hang close but to hang on.  "Hang on" meaning, as long as I could still see the pink balloon, I'd be set.  I set myself probably 20 seconds behind him and went for it...

I felt strong, confident, and knew that my ability to focus during a race was going to be an advantage that day.   

My mile splits looked like this...

1-8:15

2-7:57

3-8:17

             4-8:43 (uphill)

5-7:59

6-7:41

7-7:50

8-7:55

9-7:46

10-8:02

11-8:04

                                                  12-7:42-gunning out from the train stop

13-8:00

Overall, it was a great race for me.  I felt strong the entire race, never had a 'panic' feeling of losing the pace, and finished strong despite a 7 min. stop during a mentally crucial point in the race.  I ran the last two like I was trying to re-gain my place in the race and focus on not letting my legs slow.  

After the finish, I had 3 separate people tell me I ran a consistent, strong race because they were trying to catch me the majority of the race and did not.  That was a great compliment for me as I've struggled with consistent paces in my training.  I love runners.  We are a nice bunch.  :)  

This race did exactly what I needed/wanted it to.  It gave me a realistic gauge of my fitness level and an ability to give me a clear vision for what I want in Eugene.  I'll talk about my goals in another post.

I do have a goal for the next couple years, though.  I love training for and running half marathons.  It lights a fire in me every time.  In doesn't drain me mentally and physically like marathons do, instead they make me feel strong.  My goal for the next year or two is to run a 7:30 m/mile half marathon.  That would require me to dedicate time and effort beyond comfort level to improve to that degree and it gives me something to dream and shoot for.   I'm excited.  Maybe Race for the Roses next year?  

I'm ready.  

Now tell me, who besides me, is brave enough to wear a WHITE skirt in a race?  

My BFF says I better not pee, poop, or be on 'girl time' in that thing or it would be a disaster.  

Yes. It would be.   :)

Finish line pic....

Low Maintenance Blogger?

Sometimes the awkwardness of not blogging for a prolonged period of time, makes writing a post that much harder.  I've thought about updating but wonder where even to start.  Life is full.  It is full for everyone, isn't it?  It's just what you choose to do with your free time, if there is any.  :)  For me, I never wanted blogging to become an obligation...I want it to be a journal of sorts, a record of my training, and a place to support and in turn receive support.  I've felt like if I can't put in the time to read/comment/support other bloggers, then I'm letting someone down.  Not sure why I've put that pressure on myself when blogging shouldn't be about that.  It's all about balance right?  Well, if it is, something is not going well when I can't get two of the same shoes on...

It's called almost peak marathon training week!!! 

I've never aspired this blog to be a business of sorts or high traffic blog, instead, it is mostly for me.  However, I think of blogging as a mutual relationship, if you will.  After several years of blogging, many of you have become 'friends'.  It has been so inspiring to watch you guys work toward, achieve, and far surpass your goals.  This last year, I feel like I've 'ran' vicariously through a lot of you! ;)  However, it's time for me to get back in the game.

 In my real life I surround myself with pretty low maintenance friends because I honestly don't have much energy for the other option.  I in turn, consider myself pretty low maintenance.  We haven't talked in weeks or months?  That's okay.  We will pick up where we left off.  Life happens. It doesn't mean I don't value our friendship any less.  Similarly, consider me a low maintenance blogger.  If you don't read or comment often, I promise I'm not offended and I hope it's mutual.  I love reading and getting inspired by each of your journeys.  I value and appreciate every reader/supporter of my running journey, observer of my chaotic life as 'mom', and everything in between that might pop up on this little blog no matter if you visit once a year or once a week.   Call this low maintenance blogging at it's best.

Let's jump in where I left off, shall we? Gosh, this is easier than I thought.  ;)

The Eugene Marathon is only 4 weeks away.  My training has gone well, although definitely not perfect.  I have 2 grizzly 20 milers under my belt and one 22 miler coming up next week.  I'm racing a half this weekend that quite honestly has me shaking in my boots, or is it running shoes?  I haven't raced since Eugene Women's Half at the end of September, my training hasn't been what I would consider up to par, and my confidence level has not been super high.  However, that is the reason I'm running this race.  I need to get my racing face on again, build some confidence, and experience the high of race day before I run a marathon again.  I'm getting my head in the game as I prepare mentally and physically and I'm excited for what I hope will be a good outcome.

Goals for Eugene?  I'm still gunning for a PR (less than 3:57:58) and shooting for a realistic 3:50ish and dreaming of a 3:45.  We'll see what happens come race day.   I have not stopped dreaming of getting faster and stronger and feel like that BQ (3:35) is still something I want to work toward this coming year, possibly as early as July.  I consider this marathon training cycle my 'get back in the game' marathon and everything after that can only get better, right?!

In terms of my family? Pretty amazing....when I'm not pulling my hair out, that is.  A couple snapshots.

We had two birthdays...

5 years old

Yes, we did Chuck E Cheese.  No.  It wasn't half as bad as I thought it was going to be.  Even at max capacity of 11 parties at one time.  Lord have mercy.

Trigger is ONE!

In true NW style, spring has taken a LONG time to get here.  Actually we are still waiting...

Someone had her first hair cut!!

We've been drowning in baseball and Tball.  So much fun!!  

and...

To prove that I'm still running and no one is going to miss me in the early morning...

and last but not least...I managed to drag this guy to a spin class.  I told him it was not 'aerobics' and that he wouldn't feel like the only guy in a zumba class.   He survived.  (barely)

OH, and one more thing.  Just so you know Kate is still herself...this is what I found her holding in bed last night...

IT IS A TOY.  IT IS PLASTIC.  IT IS HER BROTHER's.  But people, no one better mess with Kate.  ;)

Just so you know I won't drop off the face of the earth again...I will have a race report up come next week and a couple of food posts with some of my new favorite training foods.

But that is all I'm promising at this point from this low maintenance blogger.  :)

Have a great weekend!!!

Super Cool...

How cool is this race list board?  

Found at this Etsy Shop.  

I realize I have been MIA.  I don't want to shut it down completely but I guess you could say I'm having a hard time keeping up in blog world both reading and writing.  I miss it.  

I have been training, I still plan on running Eugene Marathon, and I'm still shooting to hit a big PR.  

Training has not been easy this time around.  

I haven't found my groove yet.  Haven't had that 'perfect' long run yet.  I have had some knee issues that I'm trying to figure out the balance between being 'smart' and pressing on toward the finish line. 

Confidence has not been at a high.  

However, I have had some good speed sessions and I'm LOVING cross training with my spin class. 

Focusing right now on being smart and pressing on. 

10 more weeks!